Chuck vs a Rock and a Hard Place
by Wepdiggy
Summary: When Chuck identifies a Ring associate in a restaurant, Sarah has to infiltrate the man's life. Chuck is forced to the sidelines as Sarah gets close to the mark. How will Chuck handle what has to happen? How will Sarah handle what she has to do? COMPLETE!
1. The Many Faces of Sarah

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I can write angst just as well as the folks who do, *evil laugh* :D _

_A/N: Okay, I'll call this chapter 1, but it's really a prologue. We'll start here, and we'll go back in time in the next chapter so that you'll see exactly why things are as they are. This is going to be tough to swallow for some, and it is a bit of a romanticized view of the spy world, but I think it works within the Chuck realm. Hopefully you can enjoy it even if it is a bit on the angsty side. Oh, and fair warning, this fic had the working title of "The Super Duper Angst Fic", so you can kind of see where it's going, I would guess, though this chapter really would leave no doubts about that. Also, it's rated T, but there are certainly some more adult themes, especially in this chapter, so just be warned. If sex, and stuff like that offends you, this isn't the fic for you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and please leave me a review to let me know what you thought.

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_**Chapter 1: The Many Faces of Sarah**

The first time Chelsea Duncan sleeps with Kresdon Sinclair, her alter-ego Sarah Walker is miles and miles away. Complete disassociation is one of the gifts that she developed in CIA training, and at that moment, it's the one she values above all others. If Sarah Walker hadn't been able to mentally escape the situation that was unfolding around her, on top of her, against her, she would have broken.

So while Chelsea's clothes are being removed by the thirty-something man, with hazel eyes, wavy blonde hair, and a chiseled physique, Sarah Walker is boarding a plane to Colorado with her boyfriend, and newly minted agent, Chuck Bartowski, for the first real vacation she's had in almost five years. They're headed for the mountains because Sarah has always preferred that landscape to any beach in the world. It's one of the first real facts she ever revealed to Chuck without him prompting her.

While Chelsea is running her hands down the muscular torso of her soon to be lover, preparing to remove his belt, Sarah Walker is walking hand-in-hand with Chuck on a mountain path in Crested Butte. They're taking in the beautiful scenery, and they're not saying anything. They don't have to. The love that they share, the depths of their relationship extend far beyond anything words could begin to describe.

When Kresdon's teeth scrape along Chelsea's neck, and he begins to methodically kiss his way down her body, she shudders with pleasure at his touch. But Sarah Walker doesn't feel what he's doing at all. She's back in Colorado, watching the sun rise over the mountains, sitting beside the man she loves more than anything in the world.

And just like had happened two months ago, Chuck turns to Sarah, kisses her sweetly on the top of her head, and holds her close. She revels in the closeness, and takes the moment to breathe him in, enjoying every part of Chuck Bartowski. His touch, his smile, he scent, his very presence is so strong it's intoxicating.

After several moments of their embrace, Chuck asks Sarah to marry him. And just as she had two months ago, when she was there in body, not just in spirit, she says yes, and she allows him to put the ring he'd hidden from her so well, for so long, onto her finger. And just as they had two months ago, when this was real, they kiss, and it doesn't feel like they will ever stop.

Just like had happened two months ago, Chuck and Sarah fly back to LA that night, to tell Ellie the good news. Once again, everyone goes out for a celebratory dinner at a very high end restaurant. Only this time, Kresdon Sinclair isn't already at that restaurant. And this time, Chuck doesn't flash on him, identifying him as a money launderer, weapons dealer, and most importantly a man of wealth with connections to The Ring.

So when Kresdon enters Chelsea for the first time, and her body is given completely to him, Sarah Walker is still in the restaurant. She's still eating a nice dinner with her fiancé and her future in-laws. In this world of disconnection that Sarah has created, she'll never know who Kresdon Sinclair is. She'll never be sent on this assignment. And the Sarah Walker that is miles away from Chelsea Duncan will never have to know that her husband-to-be has to watch, has to listen as another man enjoys her in a way that should be reserved for only Chuck.

But even the best liars in the world can't lie their way out of everything, and Sarah's dishonest with herself, her disassociation is wearing thin. She masks her pain, her guilt with cries of pleasure and passion. Those are the reactions Chelsea Duncan has to this situation. Unfortunately, Sarah Walker has to share a body with Chelsea, and she's not in Colorado anymore.

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Chuck hates Beckman in the moment. He knows it's irrational, as the general didn't do anything to cause the current situation. In fact, she only asked Sarah to do what was necessary in the moment. It's something that their superior would expect any agent to do, and it's something that Sarah has probably done a number of times for previous missions.

That doesn't stop the horrible jealousy that builds in Chuck's gut as he watches another man kiss, and touch, and screw his fiancée. It doesn't stop the bile that builds up heavy pressure in his throat, threatening to spew forth as he has to listen to Sarah call out the other man's name, and profess her willingness and enjoyment of what the mark is doing to her body. Even knowing it's fake, it kills Chuck to have to witness it.

He's doing his best to develop that sense of detachment that Sarah told him he needed to have for situations like this one, he really is. But it's just not in his personality to remain uninvolved emotionally. He likes to think that his concerns are all about Sarah. And he _is_ concerned for her. He's concerned about her safety, first and foremost. He's concerned about her emotional state as well. She's always been a bit fragile on that front, when it comes to real feelings. Now, he knows, it's killing her to have to do what she's doing, knowing that Chuck is watching and knowing exactly what's going on. He knows it's the last thing in the world Sarah wants to do, to hurt him. But despite knowing all of those things on an intellectual level, Chuck is finding it hard to get past his own issues with the situation.

Far from being as territorial as the average male, Chuck still finds that when it comes down to it, he hates the fact that someone else is getting to enjoy with Sarah something that Chuck himself has only enjoyed a handful of times.

Their lives simply aren't conducive to a healthy relationship, emotionally or sexually. They always seem to be on mission, and they know that they have to keep focus while they're in the field. The time for decompressing and love making has to wait until the job is over.

But that's the problem: the job never seems to be over. As soon as one mission is completed, the team always seems to be headed for another mission without any time to rest, to be themselves. Other than the wonderful three day vacation that Chuck and Sarah took two months ago, they've had startlingly little time with one another.

That vacation was originally supposed to be two weeks long, but then Chuck flashed on Kresdon Sinclair, and the time away from the job for the young, newly betrothed couple was cut very short. Upon briefing General Beckman about the discovery of this major supporter of The Ring, Team Bartowski had been given their marching orders. Sarah was to get close to this Kresdon Sinclair, and Chuck and Casey were to be there to provide backup.

That's when things had gotten really dicey. Instead of a quick in and out, it became apparent that this would be a long term assignment. Sarah needed to be with Sinclair for an extended period of time. She had to integrate herself into his life, and play the part of his girlfriend.

She held out on sleeping with the other man for as long as possible, Chuck knows, but "Chelsea" and Kresdon have been together for well over a month now, and the wealthy man that expects to get everything he wants, and to not have to wait wasn't going to take Sarah's hesitance forever.

Sarah called Chuck earlier in the day to let him know what had to happen. She'd been apologetic about what had to be done, and she'd been near tears, Chuck could tell. He did his best to be supportive. He said what he had to say to calm her down, to let her know that everything would be okay. He let her know that no matter what happened, and what he saw and heard, he'd always love her.

His support did the job, and Sarah was able to bring her focus back to the task at hand. Now if Chuck could only have someone to be supportive of him. He knows it's ridiculous to ask, but he needs someone to tell him that everything will be alright. He needs to know that this isn't forever; that Sarah still loves him despite what he's witnessing her doing with another man.

But he knows that support isn't coming, and he will just have to brave this storm alone. Chuck knows that the intelligence that can be gained with the current arrangement is far more important than his emotional hang-ups. And that's why he hates Beckman in this moment. Not because she gave this assignment to their team, as Chuck knows that Team Bartowski is the only unit that could pull this off, but because he needs something tangible to which to assign the blame for what's going on. General Beckman is such the obvious target for his ire.

Chuck knows, however, that the general doesn't deserve that blame. The only one to really blame in all of this is himself. He chose this life knowing what would be asked of him, and of Sarah. He made the decision for both of them when he decided to become a spy.

That's why Chuck holds back his feelings of jealousy and betrayal as he continues to watch the woman he loves give herself to another man. His jealousy is unfounded, as Sarah is only doing her job, and the only one who betrayed Chuck is Chuck. He caused this. He asked for this. Now he'll have to live with his decision.

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_A/N: Okay, you were warned. It's a bit on the side of angsty, and honestly, it doesn't get a LOT happier, but I hope you can still enjoy it. I look forward to your feedback, and you guys are awesome. Peace. _


	2. A Friend Indeed

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I can be just as angsty as the guys that do *evil laugh*_

_A/N: What? You're still here? Great. Okay, this chapter isn't as rough as the first one. The time line moves around some. We'll start about a month before chapter 1, then we'll move to just before chapter 1, then we'll actually go just after chapter 1. Got Casey involved, yes I did. I don't write Casey a whole lot, because I worry that I won't do him justice. So I'm interested in your opinions on how that came out. Too soft? Not enough to point? Right on? What do you think? Okay, I will warn you that this has not been beta'd (gasp), I know. If you see any errors, point it out, and I'll do my best to go back and correct it. Thank you for taking the time to read, and please review. Thanks!

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**Chapter 2: A Friend Indeed**

**One Month Earlier…**

Chuck and Sarah know that they'll have to keep the details of their relationship under wraps, at least for now. While Casey knows how gone they both are, and even Beckman has silently acknowledged that they're together, the couple knows that letting it get out that they are now engaged would cause a gigantic shit storm, the likes of which even their seemingly unbreakable relationship may not be able to withstand.

So it's with a guarded enthusiasm that they've brought Ellie and Devon out for a nice dinner to announce their plans. They'll tell the two doctors that the engagement has to stay secret for now, as Sarah hasn't been able to get in touch with her dad to let him know yet, and she doesn't want him finding out from a newspaper.

Of course Ellie buys it. Devon isn't quite as quick to accept the line, and suspects it has something to do with Chuck and Sarah's _other_ jobs. When he looks at Chuck to get a clarification on the situation, Awesome's brother-in-law gives him a quick, nearly imperceptible nod to confirm the suspicions of the cardiothoracic surgeon.

For the most part, the dinner goes off without a hitch. It's only when Sarah returns from the restroom with a card in her hand that things start to go south.

Chuck asks her what she's holding, and she explains that some jerk tried to pick her up at the bar on her way back to her seat. She dismisses it as nothing, and throws the card the man handed her moments ago down on the table. Chuck gives the discarded slip just a brief glance, but that's all he needs to come to a realization about the name on the card.

Sarah immediately recognizes the signs of Chuck's flash, and grabs his hand for support. The married couple across from them is far too caught up in one another to notice the slight change in demeanor, and for that, Sarah's glad. She's worried, however about just what Chuck has seen. She has the right to be worried. The man that gave Sarah his card, Kresdon Sinclair, is a very powerful and influential broker of operations for The Ring.

Upon briefing General Beckman on the situation, Sarah is given orders to get in contact with this Sinclair and find out whatever she can about who he is, and what he's about. There's a chance he may be an unwitting participant in the operations of the international terrorist group that Team Bartowski has been at war with for months, but chances are he's not. The general wants as much information as she can get on the target.

The next night, Sarah has plans to meet her mark. She's wearing a wire, of course, and Casey and Chuck are there to provide backup, and are ready to extract their partner if things get too hairy. No danger befalls Sarah on that night, but when the surveillance camera Sarah is wearing catches sight of Sinclair's phone as he pulls it from his pocket to see who could be calling him in the middle of such a wonderful "date", the Intersect recognizes the number as that of a business front for Ring operations. If Sinclair is on a speaking basis with them, then his involvement isn't only most likely voluntary, but his connections are obviously quite deep within the underground regime.

Chuck's worst fears come to pass when Kresdon tells Sarah, or "Chelsea", as she's calling herself with him, that he's been invited to an important business dinner the following week. Sinclair claims that he could use a nice piece of arm-candy to impress his associates, and as he's having such a terrific time this evening, he would really like it if Sarah would be his date.

Of course, she agrees, and thus begins a long operation that will lead to Sarah being separated from her team, and her fiancé for an extended period of time. She has to find a new cover, a new place of residence, and has to cut all ties to her partners and her employers. She has to go deep, and the only link to the outside world will be the surveillance that she is able to plant herself. She can't risk being tracked back to the Intersect, her love.

So Chuck and Sarah say their goodbyes that night. The cover is that when Sarah called to tell her dad about the engagement, she found out that he is in the hospital, and doctors don't know what's wrong with him. She's flying back east to take care of him, in what could be his final days. Ellie buys it, of course. Devon is again skeptical, as he's become about everything going on in Chuck's life since he found out the truth about what his brother-in-law does. Chuck later tells him the truth about what's going on. Well, he tells Devon as much as Devon needs to know.

Captain Awesome knows that Sarah is doing "spy business", as he calls it. He knows she could be gone for awhile. He doesn't now, however, what exactly it is that Sarah is going to do. And he doesn't know how much it breaks Chuck's heart to know what she will probably have to do. That part isn't dangerous for Devon to know, Chuck just can't bring himself to talk about it, with anyone.

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**Present Day…**

They try to hide it, but he knows. Chuck and Sarah are just different around one another, and in general these days, and it's obvious why, to Casey. They've quit being stupid about the situation they've found themselves in. The spy game isn't meant for love, that's to be sure, but if you can find it, you need to hold onto it as best you can. Casey knows all about that from his experience with Ilsa.

Casey is disappointed that his teammates wouldn't tell him about what is really going on with them. After everything Team Bartowski has been through together, he would like to think that Chuck and Sarah trusted him a little more than that. A part of the NSA agent would even like to think that they'd all become friends. Of course, that's a part of himself that Casey keeps locked up far from the prying eyes of others, never allowing his emotional, caring side to see the light of day.

But Casey understands why they haven't told him, when he's honest with himself. It's part of keeping what they have going on out of the workplace. He even admires Chuck and Sarah a little for how well they've been able to separate their "lady feelings" and the job. His partners – and yes, Bartowski has wormed his way into being considered a partner – are actually doing better at keeping things behind closed doors together than they ever did apart.

But what's going on now just isn't right. Beckman knows just as well as Casey that Chuck and Sarah are involved. While the rules of the game they play dictate that feelings and relationships shouldn't enter into any decision, the fact is that they just do. Especially in this case. Chuck and Sarah aren't normal spies. Their connection is a big part of why they work so well together, and the team just wouldn't be the same without the bond between the CIA agent and the Intersect.

But it's not Casey's place to intervene. It wouldn't do any good, and it would just draw the ire of General Beckman. So he'll keep his mouth shut, and when Bartowski breaks, which Casey is sure that he will at some point, despite how well the moron had handled the situation up until that point, the NSA agent will try to be there to help the nerd as much as he can. Feelings aren't Casey's territory really, but the kid will need something, and there's no one else that would, or could, try to help.

When Chuck finally comes into the offsite recon center, he's wearing a very haunted expression. Casey knows something major has happened, because just the day before, the former Nerd Herder had been goofing off, and running his mouth about how "watching this isn't _that bad_". The bigger man didn't have the heart at the time to tell his former asset that it was going to get a lot worse. Casey kind of figured Chuck could figure that out for himself, but judging from the look on the face of the curly haired man, something had been done to shatter whatever lies he was telling himself to hope for, and think the best of the fucked up situation at hand.

"What's wrong with you, moron?" Casey asks, trying to get Chuck into some good spirited banter to hopefully lift his spirits.

"Sarah called me," Chuck replies simply, softly.

_Dammit_, thinks Casey. If Chuck's talked to Walker, that means something's going down, and it's probably Walker's panties. The veteran agent is in some ways relieved that his partner would call to try to make things easier, and the warning of what is to come certainly falls into that category. But it couldn't have been easy for Chuck to hear it from her. This is the part of being included in a team of compromised agents that Casey dreads the most. He has to play Dr. Phil, and Casey hates Dr. Phil.

"So tonight's the night, huh?" Casey asks gruffly.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Chuck seems unable to meet the eyes of his male partner. There are clearly many emotions running through the nerd's mind and his heart, and admitting to Casey what is going to happen is probably as hard as anything he's had to do. Knowing the woman you love is going to be with another man is hard enough. Having to tell someone else about makes it all the more real. Casey decides to make it easy for the Intersect. There's nothing going on tonight that the older man can't handle himself, and Chuck needs some time to process everything, clearly.

"Hey," Casey says in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "You should go back to your room. Go get drunk or something. I can handle things here tonight. Just be back tomorrow morning ready to work, alright?"

"No," Chuck says, his voice much stronger than it was before. He finally meets Casey's stare, and there's something in the eyes of the rookie agent that John has never seen before. It's strong, and defiant. There's something else there too, but Casey can't quite put his finger on it. It's not quite pain, but it's something close.

"I have to watch," continues Chuck, resolutely. "Sarah might need me."

As much as Casey wanted to protect Chuck from what the surveillance will no doubt show tonight, the nerd has made it clear that he doesn't want protection. He wants to see everything. _Is he punishing himself? _Casey wonders. He doesn't ask Chuck about it. It's best to let it die.

When the "show" is over, Chuck isn't quite the quivering mess that Casey expects. Oh, the kid is shaken to be sure, but he's holding up pretty well under the circumstances. In fact, Bartowski doesn't seem to be all sad and weepy at all. He looks more pissed off than anything. That said, Casey knows that Chuck needs a friend, and since the nerd can't talk to his idiot buddy Grimes about what's going on.

"It never will," Casey says softly, pulling Chuck's attention from the monitor that has now gone dark after Sinclair and Sarah have turned out the lights for the night.

"What?" Chuck asks, bewildered, but still angered.

"It never gets easy. Knowing that the woman you love has to do these – these things," Casey clarifies.

Chuck looks as though he wants to lash out at his partner. He clearly wants to tell Casey that he's stupid, and that the stone-cold agent could never understand. But something holds the nerd back. The apparent object of the smaller man's musings plays across his lips in a whisper.

"Ilsa," Chuck says very softly.

Many people wouldn't have even heard Chuck's utterance, but then, John Casey isn't most people. He easily hears what the keeper of the Intersect says, and Bartowski is exactly right.

"A few months ago, I was reading through some files on some piece of garbage we were tracking. There were pictures that we were given by the French. One of the pictures was the target in a very compromising position with a certain French female operative," Casey explains.

"It doesn't piss you off?" Chuck asks.

"Hell yeah it pisses me off," Casey growls. "But at the end of the day, she's doing her job. It pisses me off that she _has_ to do that because there are pieces of shit that low on the totem pole of humanity. But it's not her fault. And it's not her superiors fault. And most of all, Chuck, it's not my fault."

"But that's different," Chuck defends. "Sarah wouldn't…" He pauses, trying to collect his thoughts. "If it wasn't for me, Sarah wouldn't have to do these – these things."

"No," Casey says gruffly. "It's not your fault, Chuck."

Chuck thinks about what Casey has said to him. Could it really not be his fault? After everything he'd put Sarah through, wasn't it at least a little his fault? After all, she'd told him that she was going to leave all of this behind until he re-uploaded the Intersect. Maybe if Casey understood the full scope of their relationship, he'd understand better. Even though Sarah told him that everything needed to stay behind closed doors, Chuck felt as though he could trust Casey for some reason.

"We're engaged," Chuck confesses quietly.

Casey is a little taken aback by the news, and the confession, though he's not altogether shocked that it happened. His partners are cut from a different cloth than most spies. They are more human than most. While it can be frustrating as hell at times, it just wouldn't be as rewarding without that element of the team. In many ways, it has made Casey himself a better person. While that could be bad for his career, the NSA agent has trouble being upset by the changes he's noticed even in himself after being around Chuck and Sarah.

"Well congratulations, moron," Casey says with a wicked grin. "How about we get out of here and go get drunk as hell to celebrate."

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_A/N: Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read my fic, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	3. The Reunion

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, nor do I profit in anyway from writing this. In fact, I think I might lose some friends for writing this, hehe. _

_A/N: Okay, things are about to get a little better…for like a second, then it's right back to angst, hehe. I'm glad everyone's enjoying it, or at least most people who have reviewed have enjoyed it. I know it's not a happy subject at all, but it's something I wanted to explore, so thanks for taking that journey with me. I will now warn you that the prompt that drew me to writing this fic is a very angst one, and it is finally surfaced in this chapter. What, it gets worse? Um, yeah, it kind of does. But hopefully, in the end, everyone will be better for it. That's the goal. A big, big thanks to **MXPW**, whose input on this chapter, and this entire fic for that matter has been invaluable. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and please review. Thanks!

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**Chapter 3: The Reunion**

Sarah's plane bound for DC is making its final approach. Sinclair was away on business, and while he's taken Sarah, or "Chelsea" as he knows her, on several of these ventures, he decided to go at it alone this time around. Sarah knows she should be disappointed that she'll miss the opportunity to survey her mark while he's on official business, but she can't bring herself to feel sorry about it. After all, while Sinclair is away, it allows for Sarah to meet with her superiors, and also her team. Her team, of course, includes her fiancé, Chuck.

It will be the first time Sarah's seen Chuck in two months, or sixty-seven days to be exact. Every day without him has seemed like an eternity, and not being around him has made her feel as though a piece of her soul was missing. It's not surprising really, as before she met Chuck, Sarah never really gave much thought to having a soul.

During their time together, even before they were an actual couple, Chuck had made Sarah feel more alive than she had felt in years. That's why her current assignment has been so hard. She hasn't been able to have him there to reassure her faith in humanity, and in herself. Well, that's one of the reasons the mission has been so hard. The other reason it's been hard is that while Sarah hasn't been able to see Chuck in sixty-seven days, Chuck has seen her nearly every day.

Chuck has seen her as she's played the role of the doting girlfriend to Kresdon Sinclair. Her fiancé has watched her as she has gone to bed with the mark every night, or during the day, or whenever Sinclair has felt like it. And the target of this mission has an insatiable sexual appetite, so Sarah has been quite busy keeping him happy, keeping her access to his home, and thus his business. And Chuck has had to witness every agonizing moment through the surveillance that Sarah herself set up in the house.

Honestly, Sarah doesn't know how she should feel about seeing Chuck. Should she be afraid that he won't be able to look at her in the same light as he used to? Should she be worried that he might not love her anymore? Should she feel ashamed of what she's done? This mission is important, and the financial records and contacts she's been able to uncover have been huge breaks in the war against The Ring, but will Chuck think that their sacrifice has been too great? Does he feel betrayed?

Sarah doesn't know what to expect, but somehow, she doesn't think that any of those things are true. Her relationship with Chuck is stronger than any bond she's ever known. Their love for one another can conquer anything, including what they've had to go through over the past few months. That's what Chuck told her before she left on this assignment, and Chuck doesn't lie. He'd never lie about something like that.

"_Sarah, I know what you're going to have to do, and I'm okay with it." She looks at him incredulously, daring him to be telling the truth, and doubting that he is. "Alright, fine, I won't be okay with it. It's going to hurt like hell to know what's going on, but I don't want you to worry about what I think. I want you to go in there and do your job, because you're the best agent we have, and we need you. The country needs you. I can wait. But if I'm going to wait, you have to do everything you can to stay safe. You have to come back to me, Sarah Walker. And when you do, it will be like all of this was a bad dream, and we can move on. I'll always love you, no matter what."_

Remembering Chuck's words comforts all of her fears. He understands what she's done. He understands that it doesn't mean anything. He understands that no matter what, she still loves him.

But just as she starts to draw comfort from the memory of that talk, a startling realization washes over Sarah. She remembers her answer to his plea for her safety, and his confession of his love.

"_Thank you, Chuck. I promise I'll come back," she says, kissing him once more before boarding her flight. _

She begins to panic. While what she said was heartfelt, it wasn't everything it should have been. She never told Chuck that she loved him. In fact, all through their relationship, she's never told him. He's been very understanding through it all, and he has never pushed her to say it. That was before this mission, however. After everything Chuck's seen, and everything Sarah's done, she only hopes that her failure to voice her feelings hasn't completely screwed everything up. She swears to herself that she will tell Chuck just how she feels as soon as she sees him. She only hopes that he can forgive her. _God, how could I be so stupid?!

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The casual observer would think Chuck was waiting patiently for someone to arrive. They might even assume that whoever he's waiting for isn't that important to him. Nothing could be further from the truth, however. Chuck has just gotten really good at hiding his emotions when he needs to. He's had plenty of practice over the past couple of months.

For every day during Sarah's recent assignment, Chuck has had to watch her be intimate with another man. The woman Chuck loves more than anything, or anyone else in the world has willingly given herself to someone, and Chuck's had to bear witness. Even knowing it's for the job doesn't help to stop the pain that builds up within him whenever he sees it.

And Chuck knows that if he shows an ounce of emotion, he'll break. Or worse, he could hear about it from General Beckman, and that would be a bad thing, in more ways than one. Oh sure, Beckman knows what's going on between Chuck and Sarah, at least a part of it, but she's turned a blind eye to it up until this point. They haven't tried to hide it necessarily, but what happens between the blonde agent and the human Intersect has clearly fallen into that category of "don't ask, don't tell". If Chuck were to break, if he were to show the emotions that are building up deep in his core, Beckman wouldn't stand for it, he knows.

The general would reassign Sarah in a heartbeat if she thought that the relationship between Agents Walker and Bartowski was affecting the mission. That has been an unspoken agreement since the beginning. So time after time, Chuck has just sat quietly, watching and listening like the good professional that he pretends to be. He's not shown an ounce of the pain that he feels, and only in his room, alone at night, has he allowed the tears over his struggles to fall.

But all of that can be put aside now. Sarah will be with him at any moment, and Chuck isn't going to let the horrible circumstance that has befallen them to ruin their reunion. This weekend will be all about them. He just wants to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her everything is alright. He wants to make sure she knows that no matter what has happened, he still loves her. He'll always love her.

Finally, after what feels like hours, Sarah's plane lands. Chuck sees the tall blonde, towering over the women at her gate, and rushes to great her. When he's half way there, Sarah registers his approaching form, and immediately, she abandons her professional demeanor and begins to run towards Chuck as well.

When Chuck and Sarah meet, they wrap one another in a crushing embrace, tears of relief and joy threatening to spill over from them both. They pull back eventually, and Chuck and Sarah both stare into the eyes of their estranged significant other.

"I love you," they say in unison, drawing a small laugh from them both.

"Sarah, I – I just, oh God, I don't know what to say. I'm just so happy to see you."

"Chuck, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about everything-"

"No! You don't have anything to be sorry about. This is my fault. I chose this life for us. I decided to-"

"You decided to be a hero! You don't deserve to be blamed for anything," Sarah argues vehemently.

"Sarah?" Chuck asks.

"Yes, Chuck?" she answers, her voice slightly muffled by his chest, against which she's still snuggled.

"How about we don't blame anyone? Let's just be happy, okay?"

"Okay," Sarah answers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Chuck says.

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**Two Days Later...**

"Chuck, I'm fine! Seriously, there's nothing to worry about," Sarah says exasperatingly.

"Listen, you know my sister. You've been around her quite a bit in the past. You also know that as her brother, I can't let what I've seen from you over the past few days go. What's wrong, Sarah? Please tell me," Chuck begs.

Truthfully, Sarah would like nothing more than to tell Chuck what's wrong with her. At first, she thought that her sickness was purely psychological. But something about that theory just rings false, still. She does feel extreme guilt, but that's not the sort of thing that would normally make her physically ill. She's really enjoyed her time with Chuck, and he's done nothing but make her feel loved. In fact, the guilt that she originally felt, though still present, isn't nearly as strong as it was when she first saw him again.

"Chuck, I – I don't know what's wrong, but I'm sure I'll be fine," Sarah says resolutely. She sticks her chin our defiantly to emphasize her point.

"Okay, I'll concede that you're probably fine," Chuck says, causing a look of victory to spread across Sarah's face. "But if you love me, you'll at least let me take you to get looked at. You can never be too careful, and I love you too much to let you stay sick," Chuck explains.

Sarah didn't expect him to play that card. She expected him to ask her repeatedly to seek help. She expected him to get angry and demand that she see a doctor. She even expected him to possibly beg her. But she never would have guessed Chuck would play the "I love you" card for something as trivial as a medical checkup. But how could she deny him anything? If it was that important to him, then it should be important to her. After everything Chuck has been through, it's the least Sarah can do for him.

"I'll go," Sarah says quietly.

"You will?" Chuck asks.

"Yes, I'll go, but just for you. Let it be known that I don't think there is anything wrong with me. Well, there's nothing seriously wrong with me. And now, it is _you_ that has decided to waste some of the precious time we have together on a hospital visit, when who knows when we'll be together again? But if that's what you want…" Sarah looks at Chuck expecting him to take back his request.

"That's what I want," Chuck says simply, surprising Sarah a little.

* * *

Sarah is sitting on the cold exam table in a special wing of the military hospital designated for covert personnel, waiting for the doctor to come back and give her the results of the myriad of tests that were run on her. She really hopes it isn't that Swine Flu thing, but honestly, she wouldn't be surprised. With all that has gone on over the past few months, she just hasn't had time to get vaccinated. That's kind of sloppy practice for an operative, such as herself, but the mission comes first, always.

Finally, the door swings open. The short woman, of Indian descent - Dr. Dehli she'd identified herself as - steps into the room holding a chart. The doctor's expression isn't completely readable, but the physician doesn't look overly concerned, which might be a good sign. Sarah, however, decides it's probably best to just wait to hear the diagnosis instead of jumping to any conclusions.

"What's the damage, Dr. Dehli?" Sarah asks.

"Well, you tested negative for every illness we thought you could have come into contact with," Dr. Dehli answers.

"That's great news!" Sarah exclaims. "Hold on," she says, taking her phone from her purse. "I'm going to get my-" she almost slips and says fiancé, but realizing that the details of this exam will make their way to Beckman, rethinks her words. "I'll get my _partner _on the line so you can tell him how much time we wasted coming all the way down here."

"Well, I wouldn't say you wasted you time," the doctor says, breaking up Sarah's excitement.

"What do you mean?" Sarah asks, a dark look forming on her face.

"How many sexual partners have you had in the past month or so, Agent Walker?"

"In the past…well…I can't give you details, as they're classified, but two. Mostly just one. I was with my, with Agent Bartowski last night. Wait! Do I have an STI or something? Is it something I could have passed to my partner?" Sarah asks, becoming quite afraid. If she's caught something from that asshole that's been fucking her for the past month, mission be damned, she'll go back to his house and kill him where he stands. The guilt she feels for sleeping with another man would only be multiplied infinitely if she's made Chuck sick. And when she kills Sinclair, it won't be a quick death. It will be long, drawn-out and painful. Just how Sarah is dying inside just thinking of what might have happened.

"Well, no, not that. You're not sick. You're, well, you're pregnant, Agent Walker."

* * *

_A/N: I know, I know. It ain't the best of circumstances, but that's what made me want to write this one. I look forward to your feedback, and please don't kill me. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	4. Ruined

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I can do angst just as well as the people that do *evil laugh*_

_A/N: Okay, first of all, a big shout out to __**flash2007**__ for leaving the best review I've ever gotten for any fic ever. "rot in hell" he said. That was it! Hehe. I loved it. The fact that I upset someone enough that they left me that review lets me know that I'm writing something that touches some emotional base with you guys. I got a lot of other fine reviews too, and I realize that the revelation from the last chapter lost some of the audience for this fic. I'm sorry about that. For those of you still reading, I promise there is a reward, eventually, but you have to hold out a bit longer. It's not in this chapter. This chapter is probably heavier than the last. A super big thank you to the amazing __**MXPW **__for his help with this fic. He's helped me a lot in every chapter, but this chapter in particular wouldn't be nearly as full without his advice. Once thing I will say, after having this proofread, I went back and made a lot of the changes he suggested, so there's a possibility that I missed some mistake I made during editing in the final pass. If you see something, let me know. It's completely my fault, I assure you. Okay, thank you to all of those that are still reading for sticking it out with me, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review!

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**Chapter 4: Ruined**

_I'm pregnant_. Sarah's pretty sure that's what she said, but Chuck doesn't seem to be having any reaction. He's just sitting on the bed of their hotel room, looking at her blankly. She's dreamed about one day making this announcement to Chuck, but in her dreams, it's never like this. It's never after having spent over a month in the bed of another man. Finally Chuck breaks the uncomfortable silence that has fallen over the room.

"I'm sorry, you're what?!" Chuck asks, standing up from the bed. His eyes are bugging out of his head as he finally seems to process what he's been told.

"Calm down, Chuck. It's not that big of a deal. I'll terminate the pregnancy and that will be that," Sarah answers him, as she turns away from his penetrating gaze. Despite her seemingly calm outlook on the situation, her insides are a swirl of emotions and uncertainty. She's killed plenty of men. She's executed many criminals, terrorist, and other scum. But the thought of terminating the being growing inside of her isn't nearly as easy to think about as Sarah thinks it should be. She could finally be on her way to having a family. She knows she shouldn't think that, but it's hard not to. This situation is beyond fucked up.

"But what – but what if it's mine? I mean, ours?" Chuck asks.

_Oh, Chuck. There's no way it's yours. I so wish that it were, but it's not. I've been having unprotected sex with an asshole terrorist for over a month, and now because I was stupid, and forgot to get by birth control filled, I have his kid inside of me._

Sarah wants to tell Chuck that, but opts for something different; something safer.

"It doesn't matter, Chuck. Beckman won't let me keep it either way. This is what has to be done. I'm sorry," Sarah finishes sympathetically. In reality she doesn't know if she's sorrier that she's lying to him; or that the baby she's carrying can't be his; or possibly not even sorry for him, but for herself. _Do you really want to have the child of a murderer? _Sarah asks herself. She's a little disturbed that the answer isn't a resounding no, but instead just more confusion.

Before Chuck can respond, Chuck's laptop, left open on the table in their room blinks to life.

"Don't presume to know my intentions Agent Walker," says the voice of General Diane Beckman.

"I'm sorry, General, but what?" Sarah asks, walking towards the computer.

"While your failure to maintain proper medical upkeep of your body, both in the areas of vaccinations and birth control, are terrible examples of how an agent of the United States government should act, and handle herself, in this case, it has put us in a position of power," Beckman explains.

"I'm sorry, I'm not following, General. How is me getting an abortion going to help us with our mission at all?" Sarah asks.

"It wouldn't, Agent Walker, which is why you're _not_ going to terminate this pregnancy. At least, not until we're able to wrap up our operations in the home of Mr. Sinclair. But make no mistake about it, Sarah, your actions, or more appropriately inaction, will not be tolerated in the future. You are fortunate that this screw up has given us a tactical advantage. Otherwise, you would without a doubt be disciplined for you behavior," Beckman scolds.

Sarah is stunned by the news. There are so many things wrong with the current situation. Two years ago, she never would have thought about ever possibly having a child. Then Chuck came into her life, and she came to harbor a hidden dream about one day being the mother of _his_ children. As their relationship developed, that secret dream became less of a dream, and moved almost to the point of being a probability.

Sarah and Chuck have made plans. Sarah's almost done with her contract. She's in her final year, as a matter of fact, and she'll be a free woman. When it's finally up, she is going to quit, and marry Chuck, just like they talked about. Then, she can have all the children she wants, with the man that she loves.

But with Beckman's plan, that future will be shot to hell. If this operation lasts long enough, and from all indications it will, Sarah could end up having to give birth to the child of an enemy, a traitor, and a man that she has grown to loathe. She can't help but think that "fortunate" is the last word she'd use to describe her situation.

Sarah looks over at Chuck and sees that he's preparing to say something. Is he coming to her defense? Should she even want that? Even if he does, Sarah knows, he's about to get a harsh lesson in being an agent. It doesn't matter what you think, it doesn't matter what you feel. You follow orders.

"General, I don't think," Chuck begins, before being cut off by their superior.

"No, _Agent_ Bartowski, you don't. It's not your job to think. It's your job to do as I say. It's also Agent Walker's job. A job that she hasn't been doing very well, apparently. You have your orders, Agent Walker" finishes Beckman with a huff. The general closes the connection before any other words can be spoken.

Chuck and Sarah sit in stunned silence for a moment after the impromptu briefing is over, neither sure what to say.

"Well, I guess, at least if it's _ours_ we'll get a chance to have it, right?" Chuck says, trying to put a positive spin on things as he always does.

Sarah looks at him in frustration. She's fed up with everything that's going on, and the fact that her body belongs not to her, but obviously to her superiors. She lashes out at Chuck before she can truly think about what she's saying.

"There's no way it's yours, Chuck," she snaps.

"How can you be sure?" Chuck asks in response.

"Because," Sarah begins harshly, before catching herself. This won't be easy for Chuck to hear, and she knows she needs to be gentler about it. "Because it just doesn't fit, Chuck. I've had my period since you and I were together. I'm only about a month late. And Sinclair and I haven't used protection," she finishes quietly.

"Sarah, why – why weren't you taking your birth control?" Chuck asks, finally breaking the silence.

The truth is, Sarah isn't sure what the answer is. It's a complete lapse in procedure. It's sloppy, sloppy spy work. In a world in which she could have to do what she occasionally has to do at any time, she needs to be prepared, she knows. She can't believe that she's let this happen to herself. It's unprofessional to allow something like this to happen, and it's not the type of thing Sarah Walker does. At least, it's not the type of thing the _old_ Sarah Walker would have done. Since meeting Chuck, her professionalism has been slipping more and more every day. She knows it's not his fault that she's gotten worse at her job, but she needs someone to blame, and he is the most convenient target.

"I didn't need to!" she yells, finally seeming to come back to life. "Until this mission, I'd only been with you, and we always use a condom! I didn't expect this assignment, and – and, this is all _your_ fault!"

Sarah knows she shouldn't have said that, but she just can't hold back at this point. She's in pain, and she's confused. She just wants someone else to hurt as much as she's hurting.

"What?" Chuck asks, flabbergasted. "How is this _my_ fault?"

"Because," she begins, pausing briefly to try to rationalize some reason that it's Chuck's fault. "I never would have been in the position if you hadn't uploaded that goddamn Intersect again! I was supposed to be out of this life. I wasn't supposed to be a spy any more, but then you had to go and try to be a fucking hero. That's why it's your fault!"

Chuck is clearly taken aback by her outburst. The shocked expression on his face gives Sarah slight pause. Did she go too far? Any remorse she feels for what she's said to him is quickly wiped away, however, when Chuck fires back with an accusation of his own.

"Okay, fine, I'll give you that, but that's no excuse for you not taking care of yourself! I didn't make you not do something you're supposed to do. I didn't make you not take your birth control! In fact, if I didn't know any better, I would think you _forgot _it on purpose. Maybe you wanted to have that asshole's kid. Was the sex that good, Sarah?" Chuck asks bitterly.

She doesn't answer immediately, trying to gauge her response. She's also trying to sort through what her actual thoughts on the situation are. Chuck doesn't take her pause to be a good sign, and continues his tirade.

"Oh my god! You _do_ enjoy it! I can't believe it, I thought – I thought…" Chuck's voice trails off as the potential gravity of what's being said begins to weigh down on him.

"No!" Sarah denies. "It's not – well it's not the same as when I'm with you. I have to pretend it's good. I have to be in character, and it's physically satisfying, but it's not, it's just not the same with Kresdon," she says, no longer intent on hurting Chuck.

"Oh, so it's Kresdon now?" Chuck asks with venom in his voice. "So comfortable that you're on a first name basis with him now?"

"Chuck," Sarah says, the anger beginning to return to her voice. "I've been practically living with this man for two months now. Of course I have developed some familiarity with him. It's only natural that I think of him by his first name."

It's an excuse, she knows. She should never refer to her mark as though he were a familiar. And Sarah can see that Chuck isn't buying her cover-up for her gaff.

"What are you doing, Sarah?" he asks, clearly bewildered.

"I'm doing my job, Chuck!" she spits. "It's a job I once again must remind you that I wouldn't be doing anymore if it wasn't for the decision that _you_ made!"

"I didn't do this to you, Sarah. I didn't make you get sloppy," Chuck says calmly, but with a certain steel to his voice.

"Yes you did!" Sarah answers in response. She knows she's just wrong in what she's saying, but she's angry. She's angry that she's now, almost certainly bearing the child of a mark, not of the man that she loves. She's angry with herself for getting sloppy. She's also angry at Beckman for forcing her to continue in this horrible situation. She's not angry with Chuck at all, really, but he's the only one that she can take her aggression out on.

"I never had something like this happen until I met you! I was always a professional. And then you come into my life, and the next thing I know, I get knocked up by a fucking terrorist! You ruined me! You destroyed my life!" she shouts.

Her words have clearly hit their mark, as Chuck's face falls. He's still obviously seething with anger, but the fight has left him. He turns away from Sarah and starts to head towards the door to their hotel room. As he nears the threshold, Sarah begins to panic. She can't believe she's thrown all of this at Chuck's feet. The last thing in the world she wants to do is to hurt him, but everything she's done and said seems to have done exactly that.

"Where are you going?" Sarah demands, her voice much more harsh than she wants it to be. Inside she's already begging him not to leave, and if she has to, she'll vocalize her plea. She can't lose Chuck now. Not with everything that's been put in front of her.

"Out," Chuck answers quietly.

"No, Chuck, please don't go. Please?" she begs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please come back. I need you. I love you!"

It's true, she does love him, but that's not why she said it. She only said it to manipulate him to do her bidding. It's a horrible thing to do under these circumstances, but given what she's been put through, Sarah rationalizes that she has the right to be a bit selfish.

Chuck heaves a deep sigh, his brow furrowing as he thinks about the situation and Sarah's request. After several moments, he finally answers her, and it's not the answer Sarah hoped to hear.

"I can't," he says dejectedly. "Sarah, I have to get out of here. I have to figure some stuff out. If I don't see you before you go back, be safe," he says, walking out of the door.

As the door closes behind Chuck, Sarah can't help but to think that it might be closing on their relationship as well. This was supposed to be their weekend together. This was supposed to be their reconnection. How could she have fucked things up so thoroughly? Sarah collapses to the bed, curling into the fetal position, and rocking back-and-forth softly, she cries herself to sleep.

* * *

The team gets back to work the following Monday. Bartowski never came back to his room over the weekend, and Walker went back to her assignment without the two of them finding any resolution over their predicament. Not that it surprises Casey that his partners would leave things in such a state of unrest. Hell, Chuck and Sarah have never done things the easy way.

It's killing them both that they're at odds, Casey can tell. Chuck has been more detached than the NSA agent has ever seen the nerd. Not once has the younger man come to talk to him about his feelings, or his problems. While that would usually be a positive in Casey's eyes, it's just not Chuck's way. Even Casey's attempts to bait Chuck into saying something, anything have fallen on deaf ears. If it's not mission related, the Intersect doesn't seem interested in discussing it.

* * *

**Chuck's Interlude**

It's been three months since the blowup in the hotel room. Chuck is still angry with himself for some of the things he said to Sarah that day, and he's upset that he didn't go back to try to make things right.

Despite his best efforts, he's not able to shut down his feelings for her. He's not able to pretend she doesn't matter. He still loves Sarah, and he always will. No matter what's happened, or what she said, he'll always love her.

For now, he'll continue to stay in this protective bubble that he's created for himself. When this is all over, and Sarah's back home, Chuck only hopes that she can forgive him for any wrong he might have done, and that they can continue with their lives together. It's a hope that he believes less every day will come true.

* * *

Walker's not doing any better. She still plays her role when she's around the mark, but in her downtime, when she's alone, Casey can see the sadness and emptiness on her face.

Despite the emotional turmoil of two members of the team, however, the mission itself is going quite well. Sinclair was surprisingly overjoyed to hear about his child-to-be. He moved Walker into his home permanently, which was a major coup in further surveillance. With the added time in the home of the target, Sarah has been able to keep tabs on every person her faux-beau has come into contact with, and every business transaction he has made.

When Walker begins to require maternity clothes, she gets access to Sinclair's personal bank accounts. This is the money that the agencies can really do some damage with. These are the accounts that will contribute directly to Ring operations without any hiding of funds. Without this funding, domestic operations of the secret organization will go to pot.

So when Sinclair's Ring contacts start to fall, he gets a little suspicious. He starts questioning, and in many cases, killing many members of his staff. He goes through everyone he can think of, but the leak is of course none of his help. The idiot doesn't even suspect his pregnant girlfriend of being the mole. Casey has to give that to Walker. She can pussy-whip a guy like few agents he's ever seen.

* * *

**Sarah's Interlude**

It's been five months since her fight with Chuck, and she still cruses herself every day for the things she said to him back then. It was horrible, and wrong, and she doesn't expect him to ever forgive her. But a part of her hopes that he can, that he might.

Chuck's the most forgiving man she's ever known, so if anyone could forgive her betrayal, it's him. That said, she'll expect nothing.

At this point, it's clear that Sarah will eventually have to have the child that she's carrying. When the mission is complete, she'll give the child to an adoption agency, and that will be it. It will be like this whole mess never happened, in that respect at least. But can Chuck ever look at her the same way again? Can Sarah ever look at herself the same way again, knowing that she's a mother that gave away her child, just because of who the father was? Wasn't that what Sarah's mother did to her?

* * *

As the months roll on, the success continues. Casey is relieved that at least some good has come out of all of this. Walker and Bartowski haven't talked since that day in the hotel all those months ago, and part of the veteran agent wonders if his partners will even be able to work together again when this is all said and done, much less go back to being a couple.

But if Casey doubted that Chuck still had feelings for Sarah, those doubts are erased when, for the first time since she began the mission, Sarah phones Casey on the emergency line set aside for her communication.

"Casey, I need immediate extraction," she almost yells into the phone.

"What? Why, what's going on, Walker?" Casey asks.

"My water just broke," she answers.

When Casey hangs up, Chuck is already on him, surprising the NSA agent slightly. Chuck hasn't shown this much life in some time, and the rookie agent is clearly worried about their other partner.

"What's wrong with her?" Chuck asks.

"She just went into labor. We have to get her the hell out of there," Casey answers.

Chuck is out of the door before Casey can blink, and in no time, the two agents are on route to Sinclair's home to get Walker.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, yeah, things are picking up, but for the best? Who knows? The next chapter should be the last, so take that for what you will ;-) Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	5. At What Cost

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I can do angst just was well as the guys that do *evil grin*_

_A/N: Okay, I took a day off and completely retooled this fic. It was going to end in this chapter. Everything was going to be wrapped up into a nice little package, and I was going to let it be. Then there was some discussion of the __**Chuck Vs. **__Google Group about it, and I rethought it. Through the help of __**MXPW**__, I think I have a much more realistic endgame planned for you now. There will probably be two or three more chapters to go to end everything, so hopefully you'll stick around. A big, big thank you to __**daydreamer2578**__ for beta'ing this chapter for me while __**OC**__ is off wrangling cattle in Calgary, hehe. Thank you for taking the time to read, and please leave me a review!

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**Chapter 5: At What Cost**

Even after everything that has happened, Chuck goes into full protective mode when he hears that Sarah is in distress. Their relationship may be strained, possibly beyond repair even, but it doesn't change her importance to him. He still loves Sarah, and in the moment, he realizes that there isn't anything that can change that.

The Intersect allows for Chuck to navigate the bustling city streets in a far quicker fashion than even the average trained agent would be able to. Weaving in and out of traffic, his emotions have allowed for the computer in his head to completely control his actions.

Because of the incredible speed of the journey to Sinclair's home, Chuck and Casey have to wait several minutes for the small tactical team dispatched to aid in Sarah's extraction, and the capture of enemy personnel on site.

The wait allows for a moment of reflection, and Chuck contemplates for the first time what is happening. The woman he loves, the woman that had agreed almost a year before to marry him, will soon be having a child. That child is almost certainly not Chuck's. On top of all of that, Sarah has admitted to him that she, at least on some level, enjoys the sex with her mark. Where does that leave him in her world? What does that mean about any possible future between them? Can Sarah truly love him? Can she really be committed to him? Can he trust her?

Finally, the strike team arrives and all thoughts about the situation are expunged from Chuck's mind. He focuses back on the matter at hand: getting Sarah out safely. Working through whatever issues they have can wait until later.

Of course, Casey would remind Chuck that the mission was not only to extract Sarah, but to arrest Sinclair, and seize anything onsite that could be used as evidence against him, or to further their pursuit of The Ring, but Chuck will leave that up to the NSA agent. The younger of the two men only cares about saving Sarah.

The security force is light work for Chuck, Casey, and the men of their team, and in a matter of minutes, the group has infiltrated the house. Sarah is waiting patiently for her rescuers in the main foyer when the door is thrown open and Chuck rushes to see her, to check on her.

"Are you alright?" Chuck asks, knowing it's kind of a silly question.

"As good as can be expected," Sarah answers, rubbing her bulging belly as if to emphasize her reason for distress. "Are you?" she asks, truly meeting Chuck's gaze for the first time.

Her question seems to hold so many hidden meanings. Her eyes complete the query for Chuck. _Are you okay with what's happening? Can you still accept me after everything that's happened? Do you forgive me?_

"Yes," Chuck says softly. "I'm just fine."

It's not completely true, but it's not a lie. There are so many things that Chuck needs to talk about with Sarah, but they can wait. This is neither the time, nor, certainly, the place for that conversation.

Sarah nods, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Hey, Bartowski, get Shamu out of here, how about it? We'll wrap things up here, and I'll meet you two at the hospital," Casey says with a wry grin.

"Fuck you, Casey," Sarah says, clearly annoyed at Casey's quip about her size.

Chuck grabs her hand and pulls her out of the door before the banter between his two partners can go any further. The trek to the outside of the gates will be much more arduous that it had been on the way in, Chuck knows, with Sarah in her current state.

Sarah produces her Smith and Wesson from the small bag she has slung over her shoulder. Even though Chuck knows he can't really depend on her to defend herself right now, it doesn't hurt to have an extra set of eyes in case they run into any trouble.

As they near the SUV, Chuck turns around just in time to see Sarah crumple to the ground in a heap. He didn't hear any gunfire, but it doesn't assuage his fear that he's somehow failed her. That he's allowed her to be injured. His berating of himself is cut off, as Sarah releases an other-worldly scream of anguish.

"Are you alright?" Chuck asks, running to her side. "Were you shot?"

"No," Sarah breathes out through the pain that shows clearly on her face. "Contraction. Chuck, it hurts," she chokes out, wincing from the pain.

"I know it does," he says sympathetically. Looking around to make sure everything is clear, Chuck gathers Sarah in his arms and carries her the rest of the way to the car.

* * *

Chuck quietly opens the door to Sarah's hospital room. He sees her cradling the newborn in her arms, and looking on the child with am expression of admiration and love that Chuck has never seen from her before. He feels as though he's intruding on a very intimate moment, and slowly tries to back out of the room without being noticed.

Chuck's attempt to get away fails, and Sarah looks up to see who has entered her room. Upon seeing Chuck, she smiles brightly and motions with her head for him to come closer. Reluctantly, he makes his way over to Sarah's bedside.

The child is beautiful. But of course he would be, Sarah is his mother. Chuck is unsure of what to say in the moment. Everything about this situation seems foreign to him. He finally decides on something to break the ice.

"Have you met the adoptive parents yet? Or do you even meet them? I'm not sure how that works," he says nervously, in a whisper so as to not wake the sleeping infant.

"Well, no. I mean, I don't know if I would meet them or not, but it doesn't matter," Sarah says.

"Why doesn't it matter?" Chuck asks, perplexed.

"I've decided to keep him," Sarah answers matter-of-factly.

Chuck is shocked by her declaration. He can't wrap his mind around all of the implications that her decision will have. He wonders if she's even thought about what that means.

"Sarah, how are you going to be a CIA agent and a single mother?"

"Well, I'm quitting. I'm not going to be an agent anymore. My contract is up, and honestly, Chuck, I don't want to do it anymore. I want a family." Sarah pauses, taking one last look at her son, before turning her focus back to Chuck. "Now, as to the 'single mother' part, I don't know about that either. If I remember correctly, you asked me to marry you, Mr. Bartowski," she says teasingly.

Chuck's shoulders slump. He really hadn't thought about that much over the past months. Well, he thought about it, but he was sure that Sarah didn't. Certainly she didn't think things could just magically go back to the way they were? Chuck's not sure if it's Sarah's brazen assumption that he would go along with whatever she wanted, or the fact that she didn't even think to discuss this with him until now that upsets him more.

"That was a long time ago, Sarah," Chuck says sadly, softly. "Things have changed a lot since then. First of all, we had to tell Ellie something about why you were gone for so long, so she thinks we broke up. If your came back now, with a child, no less, it just wouldn't look right – for the cover."

"But Chuck," Sarah begins, in a panic. "It wouldn't be a cover. I'm not going to be a spy anymore. It will be real! All of it. We'll be a family. It will be perfect."

"No, Sarah. It won't be perfect. I can't – I can't go back to the way things were. Not now. Not after everything…" Chuck's voice trails off as he contemplates his words. "How can I live every day with a reminder of what happened? How can I trust that you'll – how will I know that this time, you'll be committed to me? And how can I live my life while I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

"Chuck, it was the job. That's why – you know that's why I did it. And I'm quitting. You won't have to worry about it anymore," Sarah says hopefully.

"Was it Sarah? I know, and I can accept that parts of it were for the job, but all of it? You said, you admitted to me that you liked it on some level. You allowed yourself to get pregnant, and now you want to keep the guy's kid. Are you telling me that there isn't some part of you that has feelings for Sinclair? Honestly, can you tell me that you'll never have those feelings for someone else, someone not me?" Chuck says, his voice sad but resolute.

Sarah's brow furrows, as if she is deep in thought. She starts to speak a number of times, but stops herself.

"But I love you," she finally says, tears beginning to well in her tired blue eyes.

"And I love you, Sarah. I always will, I'm sure. But I can't live like that. I should leave you two alone. Your son is beautiful, Sarah," Chuck finishes, turning and walking out of the door. He doesn't know where he's going, but he knows that he can't be _there_ anymore. He has to get away. He has to collect his thoughts. He has to start getting over Sarah Walker.

* * *

_A/N: Oh no! Chuck walked out? Sarah's all alone with the baby? What will happen now? Meh, I'll try not to make you wait to long to find out, hehe. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fic, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	6. Family

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I can do angst every bit as well as the folks that do*evil laugh*_

_A/N: Okay, anyone ready for a little light after all the dark? Maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't. I don't want to blow the chapter before you read it, after all, haha. But no, seriously, things start to come together in this one. You'll get a sense of where it's going, and one more chapter should tie everything up into a neat little package. I may add an epilogue after that, but we'll see if it's needed. So much awesome help on this chapter, so thanks to __**daydreamer2578, Yokaputo, **__and __**MXPW **__for their work in making this chapter, and this fic much better than if would have been without their input. Alright, I guess that will do it for now. Thank you as always for taking the time to read my work, and I hope you enjoy it. Please read and review. Thanks!

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_

**Chapter 6: Family**

Sarah is stunned by Chuck's sudden departure. She is unsure what she said that could have made him react like that. She told him that she loved him. She told him that she still wants to marry him, that she wants to be a part of a family with him. That's what Chuck wants, right? To be a part of a normal family? Just her, Chuck, and little…

She looks down at the infant in her arms, and once again is at a loss as to what she should call him. A part of Sarah wants to name him Charles, after the most important man in her life. But maybe that's not the right thing to do. If only Chuck hadn't left. He would probably be great at coming up with a name for a child.

But he did leave. He left her all alone when she needed him most. She said she loved him, and he said he loved her too, but still he left. All of those people who are always blathering on about "love conquering all" are full of shit, Sarah decides. Love conquers nothing. It's just an emotional connection, and, as Sarah has heard all of her life – first from her father, and then from her CIA training – emotional connections only lead to weakness and heartbreak.

Once again, Sarah gazes on her son. How could she not feel a connection to him? He's her child. He depends on her, as his mother, for everything. But is that for the best? Should anyone depend on her? Chuck proved that she shouldn't be depended on. She is poison to those that love her.

But as much as Sarah feels inadequate as a mother, she can't fathom giving this child up. She can't even begin to think about doing to him what her own mother did to her all those years ago.

As noble as those intentions seem, however, Sarah can't help but feel overwhelmed by what that responsibility entails. There's nothing about this that leads her to believe she can do this on her own. She needs help. And the only man she trusts to help her; the only man that she wants to help her is gone, and he may never come back. And it's all her fault. Now she just has to figure out what she did wrong so that she can fix it.

* * *

Casey walks into the bar and finds the lone patron of the small tavern slumped in a corner booth by himself. The NSA agent was shocked when he went to find his partners at the hospital and instead found only Walker, alone and asleep. It's not so much that she was asleep that was shocking, it was the fact that Bartowski wasn't right beside her, attached at the hip, as the couple always seems to be. At least, that is how they used to be, before everything went to hell.

Luckily, Chuck didn't take off his GPS watch when he went off by himself, so locating him was easy. Casey knows the hard part is having the conversation that he's sure is coming with the former Nerd Herder.

"What are you doing here, Bartowski?" Casey growls as he approaches the table.

"Well, they don't serve alcohol in the cafeteria at the hospital, so I had to improvise," Chuck answers wryly.

Casey pulls a chair up to Chuck's table and plops himself down across from the nerd. The larger man props his elbows up on the table and heaves a deep sigh, resigning himself to playing the part of "lady feeling" analyst.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on, or do I have to beat it out of you?"

"Honestly, I think I might take the beating. I would be great to feel something else," Chuck answers dejectedly.

"Dammit, Bartowski. You're going to make me do this, aren't you?" Casey asks. Chuck doesn't answer, and doesn't meet Casey's glare, so the older of the two men continues. "Listen, I don't know what happened. Well, I know what happened, but weren't you the one that was all gung-ho about rushing in to pull Walker out? Why the change of heart?"

"I don't know, Casey," Chuck says, studying the nearly empty beer bottle in his hand. "I mean, yeah, I wanted to save her, to get her out safely. And I did that, so mission accomplished, right? You find anything in the house you could use?" Chuck adds, trying to change the subject.

"That can wait. Okay, yeah, I get that she probably isn't your favorite person right now, but-"

"That's just it, though Casey!" Chuck exclaims, waving his arms to animate his point. "She still _is_ my favorite person. I still love her, and I can't stop that. I want to, God, how I want to. I want to forget about her, and move on, and start my life again. But I don't know how to do that. And now – now, she's going to keep the kid, so even if I wanted to give it another shot with her, I'd be reminded every day about what I had to see. And she doesn't get that."

"She's keeping the kid?" Casey asks, surprised at this newest revelation.

"Yep," Chuck answers.

Dammit, Casey didn't expect that. He thought that maybe this whole thing would make Walker rethink quitting the business. Maybe it would make her feel like she could never be the "normal" little wifey that Chuck wanted, but from the sounds of things, it was much more complicated than that.

"How the hell is she going to be a mother and a spy?" Casey asks.

"That's what I said," Chuck says, his arms still flailing around wildly. "But she said she doesn't want to be a spy anymore. She wants to be a mom. And she just expected that I'd come right along for that journey," Chuck finishes sadly.

Christ Walker, Casey thinks. What in the hell is she trying to do? He always knew she was a little fucked up, and that she probably had enough childhood issues to fill up an aircraft carrier, but Casey would think this horrible line of thinking was beyond the reach even of the screwed up blonde spy.

But even knowing how messed up she is, Casey knows she can't do this alone. Sarah's not built for that. She'd break in no time as a single mom, and then this poor kid would be up shit creek. No matter what kind of scum the child's father is, Casey doesn't think anyone deserves to start their life out without a chance. Hell, that's what destroyed Walker emotionally in the first place. If she's going to get through this, she'll need support. And as much as Casey knows Bartowski doesn't want to hear it, Sarah will need her nerd in shining armor.

"So you just walked out on her? Hm," Casey grunts. "I guess you're not who I thought you were."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Chuck asks indignantly.

"You think she can do this alone? You know good and damn well that Walker needs you right now, but you're here getting shit-faced instead. Okay, so you can't have that perfect life that you thought you'd have with her. But you knew going in that she had her issues. I'm not saying you have to go running back with your tail between your legs and fall at her feet again. Hell, I'd respect you less if you did. But if you really love her, like you claim to, then you'll be there for her, in some sense at least. She's going to need a helluva lot of support, and you know that."

Casey finishes his diatribe, a little surprised at himself that he was capable of such an emotional, heartfelt speech. Damn if he hasn't let the two lovebirds get to him too. Next thing you know, he'll be watching Lifetime Movie Network.

Chuck looks up at his partner, focus in his eyes, as he clearly tries to take in everything he's been told.

"Semper fi?" Chuck asks.

"Semper fideles," Casey answers.

* * *

**The Next Day…**

Chuck knocks lightly on the door before entering. He's clearly hesitant about being back in the room that he walked out of yesterday, seemingly at the time, forever. Sarah isn't sure how she should feel about him being here. Of course there is the side of her that is overjoyed that he's back. But then, there's the part of her that is still angry at him for the things he said, and for walking out on her. Unfortunately, it's the latter part that moves her to speak.

"What are you doing here, Chuck? Come back to break my heart again?" Sarah asks bitterly.

"No, Sarah. I don't want to break your heart. I'm here because I care about you," Chuck answers earnestly, ignoring the malice in the voice of the new mother.

Sarah is taken aback by his words. Of all the things she'd expected him to say, that was certainly not on the list. He admitted that he cared about her, which might mean that all was not lost.

"So you rethought what you said yesterday, then? You _do_ want to get back together?" she asks, a bright smile accompanying her hopeful voice.

"That's not it either. I'm just – I thought you could use a friend," he says, still speaking very calmly.

Sarah deflates at the mention of the word "friend." It's not that she doesn't value Chuck's friendship. She values it a great deal, in fact. But when he said he cared about her, she allowed herself to hope that maybe there was still something more between them. That maybe Chuck was ready to give her what she wanted: a family.

"I don't need your pity, Chuck," Sarah says, her words dark and full of spite. She doesn't know where the sudden venom came from, but she's not going to back down now. "My son and I will be just fine, I assure you. So you can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing. I don't need you," she spits.

Chuck sighs and sits down on the edge of her bed. Sarah immediately draws her feet up as best she can to avoid any contact with her ex-fiancé. She's not sure exactly why, but she thinks that if she touches him, she'll completely lose it.

"How is little…" Chuck pauses. "I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you his name."

"His name is –" Sarah stops, unsure of what to tell Chuck. Should she admit that she's clueless as to what to name her son? Should she be honest with him? Why not, she thinks. It was her dishonesty and unwillingness to just be straight with him that drove him away to begin with. Maybe the first step to fixing everything was being honest with Chuck.

"I don't know what to name him, Chuck. I have no clue. He's my son, and I can't even think of a name for him, which makes me like the worst mother ever," Sarah says, emotion entering her voice at the last.

"Sarah, you're not a bad mother at all. You're giving up a lot for your son. You're giving up the only life you've ever known, in fact. And I'm great with names. So go on, hit me. What have you come up with so far?"

Sarah just stares at him blankly. She doesn't want to have to admit that the only name that she's come up with is Charles. But if he's willing to help her with this, then maybe it's a step in the right direction.

"Umm, I wanted to name him after you, but I'm guessing that would probably be inappropriate after everything, you know?" she says knowingly.

"Yeah, I don't know if that's a good idea. One Chuck in the world is good enough. You don't want to get the kid off on a bad foot by sticking him with the name Charles. Anything else? What about your dad? Could you name your son after him?"

Sarah thinks about Chuck's suggestion. Even after everything her father has put her through, Sarah still loves him. Maybe that was a good idea. She decides to try the name on for size.

"Jonathan Walker. I think I like that," she says, smiling easily.

"Yeah, that works. See, that was easy. You have this motherhood thing down pat," Chuck says, grinning at her.

His smile brings an uneasy feeling to Sarah's gut. That is the smile that she loves to see so much. It's the smile that she would do anything to bring to his face. It's the smile that she was scared she would never see again. But maybe…

"Chuck, see, I do need you. I was wrong. Please, Chuck. I love you," she says desperately, reaching for his hand.

Chuck moves away from her touch, and Sarah is hurt by his sudden rejection of her. She really thought that everything was finally working out for her.

"Sarah, you keep saying you love me, but I can't help but wonder if you even realize what that means. If you can even grasp what love is." Chuck pauses. "What _do_ you mean when you say that?"

Sarah starts to answer him immediately, then stops. What do the words "I love you" really mean to her? When Chuck said it to her, it felt wonderful. She could see that he meant what he was saying, and that he understood it. But Sarah has never really known love. Nothing about her childhood, or her adulthood, ever taught her to love. Maybe Chuck was right?

"I don't know. You're right, Chuck. I don't even know how to love. I'm the worst person ever," she says, emotion thick in her voice.

Chuck shushes her, and wraps her in a loose embrace.

"You're not a bad person, Sarah. You just don't know. That's okay, you just need someone to show you. Well, you need someone to teach you how to find that part of yourself," he explains, gently rocking her in his arms.

"You'll teach me?" Sarah asks innocently.

"I – Sarah, I'm not ready to go back to that place with you. I don't know if I ever will be again. But I'll be your friend, and I'll help you find what you're looking for. I'll be there for you. And maybe, one day down the road, when you figure out how to love yourself, and how to love other people; and when you learn what it means to be in a relationship, maybe we'll try then."

Sarah can barely contain her excitement. Chuck was giving her another chance. She just has to figure things out, and then they'll be together. They'll be a family; just Sarah, Chuck, and Jonathan.

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, though, Sarah. I'm not going to wait for you. I'm not going to put my life on hold in hopes that someday you'll be who I need."

Sarah once again deflates. How could he say that? Of course she could be what he needs. He is certainly what Sarah needs.

"But you can't let that stop you from getting better. You need help, Sarah. Like, professional help. And I wasn't lying when I said I'll be there for you. I'll be your friend. But it wouldn't be fair to me to have to wait; to completely derail my life for a vague opportunity with someone that may or may not know how to appreciate me at some point. But if it's meant to be, then it will work out. Are you going to be alright with that?"

Sarah thinks about what he's asked of her. Would she be all right knowing that he's moving on with his life? Could she stand by and watch as he possibly found someone else to spend his life with? It seems so hard, and it seems like he's asking so much of her. But then, having Chuck – the only person that has really ever cared about her – be there for her in whatever capacity he was willing, would be better than nothing.

"Okay, Chuck. I can't promise that I won't be jealous, because I will. But I'd rather have you as a friend than to not have you at all. Thank you for being there for me."

"You're welcome," Chuck says, giving her hand a light squeeze.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, thank you as always for reading my fic. Now, recently, there has been a rash of fics put out that paints Chuck as a total wuss. He allows Sarah to roll all over him, and he does nothing to stop that, and never stands up for himself. I've made sure not to write Chuck in that way. If you like authors that write Chuck standing up for himself, I urge you to leave reviews letting them know that. Not that I'm not happy with my support, because my readers are great. I'm just saying, let the writers here know what you like to read. _

_Okay, there was a reason I just wrote all of that, and I'm sure some of you know what it is, hehe. That's all for me, for now. I look forward to your feedback, and you guys are awesome. Peace. _


	7. The Epilogue

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but this fic has proven that I can do angst every bit as well as the guys that do *evil laugh*_

_A/N: Okay, this is it, folks. The long, well not that long, but the journey comes to a close. Hopefully you've enjoyed the ride, or if not enjoyed it, I hope you were at least entertained. Thanks a million to the super talented __**MXPW**__ for his wonderful insight on this chapter, and throughout this fic. You are an amazing, amazing help, my friend. Okay, I'll wrap this up and let you get to reading. I hope you enjoy it, and please review. Thanks! _

_**Agent Erica Ellison**__ is written as though the character was played by Erica Hubbard.

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**The Epilogue**

It took six weeks of intensive, four day-per-week therapy before Sarah had her first breakthrough. It was small, but she was proud of herself, nonetheless. What she learned about herself was actually related to the reason her first breakthrough took so long. It was an issue of self-worth.

When Sarah first came to therapy, she wasn't there for herself, she was there for Chuck. The blonde discovered that it was her desire to get Chuck back that was driving her to try to get better. But, as she found out, she could never really get better until she thought it was important, until she realized that _she_ was important.

That day, she rushed home to tell Chuck about her discovery like a child that had earned high marks on her report car. Her one-time fiancé (and it still killed her inside to think of him in that light) had been tremendously helpful while Sarah has tried to get back on her feet. He'd opened his home to her until she could find a place to live, and he'd helped out with Jonathan beyond anything she would have expected whenever Sarah had therapy or a job interview.

It warmed Sarah's heart how quickly they'd fallen back into a comfortable friendship. She still wanted more, and if Chuck were to press her on the issue, she would admit that. But that didn't stop her from enjoying the benefits of having, and living with her best friend.

"Chuck!" Sarah shouted as she walked through the door.

"Shhh!" Chuck admonished her, pointing towards the back bedroom that was being occupied by Sarah and baby Jonathan.

Sarah grinned sheepishly. "How long has he been asleep?"

"Not ten minutes before you came home," Chuck answered. He took in the clearly excited expression gracing Sarah's lovely face, and he couldn't help but ask. "So what's got you so happy?"

"Guess who had a major breakthrough?" Sarah said.

"Casey?" Chuck asked mockingly.

Sarah slapped him playfully on the arm, a look of feigned indignation on her face.

"So I think this calls for a celebration. What say you, Mr. Bartowski? Dinner? On me?"

Of course she knew he would say yes. And maybe, just maybe, dinner would lead to talking, would lead to drinks, would lead to bed, would lead to them getting back together. It was all coming up Sarah. Or so she thought. That is until Chuck dropped the bomb on her.

"Um – I kind of have plans tonight. I'm really sorry, but we'll do something another night. Okay?" Chuck asked apologetically. He really was sorry for having to say no to Sarah, but this was part of the "not putting his life on hold" plan he'd discussed with her at the beginning. He couldn't just drop plans for her. Not yet, anyway. He needed to know if she could be dependable.

"Oh," Sarah said, her face falling. "Mission?" she asked wistfully.

"Not exactly. I kind of have – well, I kind of have a date," Chuck said wincing.

"A date?" Sarah asked in a threatening tone. Realizing that she was coming off as the incredibly jealous ex, and realizing even more so that she had no right to be jealous, she forced herself to relax before continuing. "But why wouldn't you have a date? You're a single guy. So have I met this girl? Is she nice?" Sarah asked, feigning interest.

"Well, we've kind of been seeing one another for awhile now," Chuck admitted nervously. He had really been dreading talking about this with Sarah. He knew it would come up eventually. After all, she may have left the business, but she was still Sarah Walker, former super spy.

"Oh?" Sarah asked through clenched teeth.

"Uh – yeah. When you, well, when you turned in your resignation, Beckman assigned a new girl, err, female agent, I mean, to our team. Her name's Erica, and I really think you'd like her," Chuck said, though he was pretty sure that wasn't true. It was clear, even to the sometimes naïve nerd that Sarah still carried a torch for him. And regardless of how nice his new partner was, there was no way Sarah would like her, on principle alone.

"So it's just a cover then?" Sarah asked hopefully.

"It never was a cover, Sarah. She asked me out during her first week on assignment, and I said yes. We're having a lot of fun together," Chuck explained.

"Erica?" Sarah asked, dejectedly.

"Erica Ellison," Chuck answered.

Sarah had never heard of this Agent Ellison before, but already the blonde knew she didn't like this woman. She'd put in some calls to her few remaining contacts to dig up whatever dirt she could on this woman that was clearly, at least to Sarah, standing in the way of what was meant to be: Chuck and Sarah together.

"I've never heard of her," Sarah admitted. "Are you sure she has enough experience to be working on your team?" she asked, taking whatever shot she could get at this unknown rival for Chuck's affection.

"She's kind of new, but she's good, Sarah. And her role is more along the lines of analysis anyway. Casey and I are bringing her along as far as field work is concerned," Chuck said, defending his teammate. She wasn't Sarah, but then, Chuck rationalized that no one would ever compare to Sarah. Neither as an agent, or in his heart. But he needed to move on. He had to try to get better himself. And while Erica might not be Sarah Walker, she was a good partner, and Chuck had really come to enjoy her company.

"Well if you're happy, I'm happy," Sarah lied. She smiled, but it was clear that the smile was forced.

"Thank you," Chuck said genuinely. He knew Sarah didn't really mean what she said, but he hoped that in time, she could actually be happy for him. He also hoped that Sarah would find a way to be happy someday. As long as she tied her happiness to him, however, Chuck knew it would be a long, slow road to recovery for her.

* * *

**One Year, Five Months Later…**

Nothing in the world of international espionage is intended to last, and such was the case with Erica Ellison.

So less than a year after joining the Intersect Project, Agent Ellison resigned. Her resignation came the day after her boyfriend and partner, Chuck Bartowski proposed marriage to her. She reasoned that she couldn't be a bride, and an agent.

Six months later, the two were married. Sarah Walker was a part of the wedding party, because she couldn't see _not_ being there for her best friend, even if he still held her heart, and always would. The bride looked exquisite in her form-fitting white dress, and there were parts of the ceremony that Sarah couldn't help but think about how at one time, it could have been her exchanging vows with Chuck.

Some things just aren't meant to be, however, and such was the case with Chuck and Sarah. But she'd learned a lot over the past year. She'd found out a lot about who she really was, and had begun to carve out a life for herself. Maybe one day, she could have the type of happiness with someone that Chuck had found with Erica.

And as hard as it was to admit, Sarah could see that Erica made Chuck happier than she'd ever seen him. The slender, African-American woman really appreciated Chuck for the man he was. It was everything that Sarah knew in her heart that her ex deserved. It was everything that she didn't know how to give him when they were together. Sarah lost her chance with him because of that, but she had come to a certain inner peace with how things turned out in the end.

Even if she never found anyone that she could love the way that she loved Chuck, and even if she never found a life partner, Sarah couldn't help but feel that her life was finally full. She had a great group of friends. There was Chuck, Devon, Ellie, Morgan, Anna, Casey, and yes, begrudgingly so, she considered Erica to be a friend. And she had a wonderful little boy who, although he may have been brought into the world under less than perfect circumstances, had become the light of Sarah's life. It wasn't perfect, not by a long-shot, but when she really thought about it, she really was happy.

* * *

_A/N: I know it's not the ending you might have hoped for, but it WAS a happy ending. Everyone was happy. Chuck found love, and Sarah got her family. Anyway, thank you for reading, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


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